Oh yes you do. New research proves that colonoscopies save lives. My Aunt, my Dad's most beloved sister, died five years before I was born. I never got to meet her. Are you really going to miss your kids’ graduations, weddings, or grandchildren because of something you’re completely knocked out for? Get over it.
Let it be said that the worst part of a colonoscopy is the prep. It’s not a deal breaker. You just need to be within 10 feet of a toilet for 12 hours. BFD. Most hangovers are worse. (Not that I'd know that.)
The day before, you have to limit food intake to clear broths and lemon Italian Ice. Not cherry. Cherry can look like blood in your colon and cause all kinds of needless hysteria.Who doesn't want a day where you can have all the lemon Italian Ice that you want?
My first colonoscopy was back in the day before they totally knocked you out, and also back in the day when they let a visitor in with you. I was terrified; hence, the Advanced Breeder was allowed in with me.
Nurse: Would you like your husband to come in with you?I was angry that day, because I was STARVING (Italian Ice is great, but not very filling.) They delayed me ONE WHOLE HOUR past my appointment time. I kept stomping up to the receptionist DEMANDING that they take me in. I wanted a Jersey Diner meal and I wanted it NOW. People in the waiting room stared. I get cranky when I'm hungry.
Me: Why yes, thank you!
The Advanced Breeder: Oh, God.
FINALLY! I was settled in on a gurney. “Roll on your side away from me with your top leg bent,” the gastroenterologist ordered. They started a Demerol IV. Everything got floaty and fuzzy really fast. I was awake, sort of. The Advanced Breeder was at my head holding my hand. The doctor was at my right. A color TV screen came alive with a cool-looking tunnel. It was an awesome trip, man. We all traveled down this orangy-yellow tunnel together.
On my most recent colonoscopy (I’ve had three), they put me out cold. As I was waking up, The Advanced Breeder handed the print out to me and said, "For your Facebook page."
After that first colonoscopy, The Advanced Breeder sat with me in recovery, as I came back to awareness.
The gastroenterologist came in to report that I had a totally perfect colon, no polyps, no growths, no nothing (same for the subsequent two, thank God. A paternal aunt is a risk factor for colon cancer).
Then he said: “Sorry about that delay. The front desk told me you were, um, distressed. It turned out that the patient just ahead of you…well, it was awful. We got into his colon and it was just full of cancer. Nothing we could do. I had to tell him and his wife that he has no more than 4-6 weeks left to live.”
Gulp.
50 or over? Do it. Get a colonoscopy now. Please.
And try not to cause a scene if your appointment is delayed. There's no reason to be an ass because of your ass.
